I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
