He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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