is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
