Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
