i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
zippers are such a cool invention
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
