youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
