Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
