my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
