Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
