Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
