Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
