"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
