i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
