He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
