we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I can't put those talents on a resume
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
