I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
