They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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