i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
