my mouth tastes like poor choices
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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