I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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