i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Randomize
