I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
