yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
