omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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