I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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