The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
i now understand why vodka
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
