We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize
