ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
