maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
