you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
