I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
