I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
