standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
