I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
