i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
