I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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