I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
