at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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