On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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