my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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