how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
