he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
