He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
