Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Come on in and take your pants off
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