Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
