I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
