Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
