She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You took a bar mat shot.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
