The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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