I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
