dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
